Living as an Introvert

For the first 30+ years of my life, I couldn’t give it a name. I just thought there was something wrong with me, like I was broken somehow.  My husband (who has been compared to a Labrador in regard to his enthusiasm for people) seemed to crave being around other people, and never minded large social events with a million new faces.  Me, I preferred one-on-one time with my close friends, and occasionally a small group event. I love people, but I also really loved my alone time.

Our conversations often went something like this…

Hubby: Let’s have a huge party, honey!
Me:  Dear God, no.

Hubby:  The more, the merrier, right?
Me:  Um, I don’t think so.

Hubby:  Aren’t you sick of being in this house?
Me:   Nope. Never.

Then I read Donald Miller’s post (read here.) on getting along with an introvert, and suddenly realized he was talking about me. I don’t know why it hadn’t occurred to me before.  I just attributed my discomfort to something in my past, and probably even blamed it on my mother at some point (who is also a classic introvert). I was relieved to finally see the words in front of me, and suddenly it seemed like books on being introverted were everywhere.

Hooray for not being a freak!

What I realized was this – it didn’t occur to me because I’m not shy. I love meeting new people, just in the right environment. I’m not afraid of large crowds, and I’m comfortable doing public speaking (I even taught a college class for a semester).  I learned it has more to do personal energy than anything else.

The funny thing is, introverts often marry extroverts like I did (and my mother before me). It just takes some of the pressure off. My husband is perfectly comfortable being the center of attention and working a room full of strangers, and I love him dearly for it.

So what other differences can you see between people like my husband and people like me?

1. He draws energy from being around lots of people. Nothing perks him up like a party.
   I feel a need to recharge if I’m out in the world too long. I love my friends, but I definitely need time alone every few days, or my head starts to spin.
2. He always takes a phone call.
   I hate the phone, and sort of have to be in the right mood to even answer it. (If it’s an emergency, they’ll call or text the cell, right?)
3. He gets cabin fever if we’re stuck in the house for too long. He turns all grumpy and suddenly doesn’t know what to do besides harass me.
   I have never had cabin fever in my life. I could hibernate like a bear and be very happy .
4. He can make small talk with a door knob.
   For me, there is nothing more painful. Don’t get me wrong, there are some friends I can talk with for hours about all sorts of things, and I can make idle talk in passing, but bars and parties are hard. After the first hour or two, I get fidgety. For this reason, I’m grateful for friends who know me so well they don’t get offended when I duck out early.

I could go on, but you get the idea. After 16 years of marriage, we’ve done some compromising to keep the social peace. I’ve bucked up when his friends have had large parties, or work parties, and he’s let me skip one or two events along the way if I just wasn’t up for it. Might not work for everyone, but it works for us.

Overall, I’ve stopped forcing myself to be an extrovert, and I believe I’m much better off for it.  Anytime we pretend to be something we’re not, it’s utterly exhausting and not worth it.  So if you see me at the neighborhood pool, sitting away from the crowd, nose in a book, it’s nothing personal.  I’m likely just doing a little recharging…

 Aside: I think a lot of people fall into both categories, but you can take this nifty little quiz here to see where you land. Let me know how it goes in the comments below!