My 2022 resolutions were to recover and seek joy, and I’m doing fairly well. On average, however, I still have a “down” day about once a week. A day that I either have zero motivation to get off the couch, or a really high water table and I’m just weepy. To be expected as the wounds are still fresh and just below the surface.
This past week I was brought to frustrated, angry tears by one of my daughters’ teachers. While I have the utmost respect for educators, especially during the pandemic, this particular person was making things difficult purely on principle. In short, he was the only one of their teachers who wasn’t excusing their work from December, and he was taking points off for the work being late or not accepting assignments at all. She was upset and worried she was going to fail the quarter even though she’d done the work. My daughter tried talking to him, but he wouldn’t budge because it wouldn’t “be fair” to the other students.
Something in me snapped.
Under normal circumstances, I prefer my kids advocate for themselves and I rarely intervene. Under normal circumstances, I think strict rules and consequences can teach kids valuable life lessons. But nothing about this was normal, and my child had more than her share of life lessons this year. And now this guy was adding insult to injury.
I got involved with the teacher and the guidance counselor, and she brought in the department chair. After a string of emails, the chair and I had a pleasant, productive conversation. He truly understood what the last few months were like, and worked things out with the teacher, who, though hesitant, was willing to compromise. That’s all I asked.
So then my daughter was relieved she wasn’t going to fail, and the crisis ended. But I started shaking. Like floor-pacing-crying-hand-wringing kind of shaking. My head knew things were okay, but my body had no heckin’ clue.
My first instinct was to go outside on the deck. The 23 degree temps were a shock to my system and did help, as did my dog, who insisted that I toss a ball for her while I was standing there shivering. After ten minutes of deep breaths and puppy play, I was recovered enough to go inside to make some tea.
While the Irish Breakfast steeped, I asked Alexa for the Guitar Dreamers station. Then I went to the basement to retrieve the clean laundry from the dryer and brought the basket to the living room. Within minutes I was calmly and slowly folding towels that smelled like “Mountain Spring”, (though not like any mountain I had ever smelled…) and my heart rate returned to normal.
So I recovered. I always do. And it doesn’t usually take much, just a pull from things that bring me joy.
I found a list I had started in a composition book – some New Year’s life planning homework from a friend – a list on “What Brings Me Joy”.
On my list:
- time with my girls
- connecting with friends
- reading and writing
- researching topics of interest (right now it’s alchemy and witchcraft…don’t judge…)
- houseplants
- live theatre/live music
- all. the. dogs. (particularly dogs in coats and dogs in windows)
- home improvement projects
A good start, so I grabbed a pen and added…
- 80s new wave
- Ella’s piano playing
- coffee, especially hazelnut or pumpkin spice
- afternoon tea
- old movies, especially musicals
- bookstores and libraries
- salvage yards/antique stores
- farm animals – llamas, goats, pigs, etc.
- pine-scented candles
- a good plot twist
- mountains
- crispy bacon
- waterfalls
- a clean house
- the smell of hyacinths in the springtime
- old family photos in dusty boxes
- Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Sam Cooke
- cannolis and Italian cookies
- snowdays during the week (and watching kids sledding behind my house)
- rain on Sundays
- sitting in my king sized bed at night talking with my girls
- massages (every two weeks)
- long hot showers with music I can sing to
- hearing good news from friends/family
- really soft blankets
- parades
- fireworks
- the sound of loons
- finding seashells after a storm
- the smell of snow in the air
- hikes in the trails near my house
- watching my girls take care of their frogs
- watching my dog parade around with a new toy
- planning trips
- baking cookies
- prosecco in fine crystal
- puzzles on the dining room table
- volunteering (though it’s been a while)
- learning unusual skills
- crackling fires in the fireplace
- looking at art and sculptures
And then I added one more…
- making lists
It’s amazing how much just thinking about things that brought me joy helped pull me out of that mood. I know lots of people swear by gratitude journals for the same reason, but I feel like this is more action-oriented for me. Having the list handy is like having a life jacket ready – some of the items are so very simple, but are easy and enough of a spark to change my energy. Adding to it every so often reminds me that there is always more joy to be found.
So…what small things bring you joy?
Cooking a meal, the smell of Thai basil, mint and cilantro, surprises, dinner parties, an unexpectedly great movie or book, snuggles from my dog (or any dog), organizing a cupboard.
Seeing my kids happy, long walks on the beach, a good hike in the woods, gardening, cooking, reorganizing my house, small home projects, seeing things from a new perspective, connecting with friends…