Buckle up, buttercup, the next act is coming in hot. And no, it’s not just menopause.
I feel like I am having this discussion with so many friends lately. We are all on the cusp of Really Big Changes and feel some apprehension about what it looks like. Let’s break it down a little, shall we?
Act I: The good old days. Players are young and single, have no children, no property, no pets, no body aches, no money, no worries and no clue. At this point, I remember feeling like I was doing a lot of working, planning, dreaming and a LOT of *waiting* – for the right job, the right partner, the right place to live. In hindsight, I am envious of the amount of free time I had. I really should have read more books.
Act II: Cue the spinning plates. Players are tax-paying adults who get healthcare through their jobs, perhaps married with children (or decidedly content otherwise), dog/cat/hamster owners, who volunteer in the community and have to schedule time for “self care”. These folks are familiar with home repairs, local politics, and 401Ks. Many also fall into the “sandwich generation” of taking care of kids and parents at the same time.
Act III: Putting the wisdom to work. To quote our friends at Farmer’s Insurance, “we know a thing or two, because we’ve seen a thing or two.” The nest is empty and the world is truly your oyster -time to knock things off the bucket list and take some risks. Oh, and stock up on the Advil, because everything hurts.
Where do you fall in the timeline? I still have one child under 18 at home and one parent-in-law left, which places me at the end of Act II. I’m already widowed, however, so that automatically gives me a hall pass to preview Act III.
Assuming reasonably good health and no major life crises, what can Act III look like? Endless possibilities.
Is it relief from years of a job you didn’t love? Can you finally start that consulting business?
Is it selling the house that is always needing repairs or is way too big for you? Maybe move to a better climate or out in the country, or in a condo in a city? (I’m looking at you, Vermont!)
Is it taking a sport or hobby to the next level? Growing your own grapes for wine, getting some artwork in a local gallery, or (*ahem*) finally writing the book you’ve been talking about for a decade?
Is it dedicating yourself to a charity that you love, or volunteering to make a difference in someone’s life? (I could see myself working for the ALS Association or with a hospice program in some capacity)
Perhaps you’re just ready to relax and travel. Or waiting for those future grandkids to arrive. That’s okay too.
Or maybe you yearn for something bigger that you can’t even define yet. Is there someone you admire that took some interesting risks that intrigue you? Do you need to make a list of outlandish options? (I’m thinking of starting Good Grief Farm, where people who have suffered loss can come and do art therapy, pet friendly goats and donkeys and visit with my dozen or so rescued golden retrievers…)
Are you worried about how much time your goals may take? Well, there is a certain amount of urgency that hits in your 50s that didn’t exist in your 20s, but that shouldn’t stop you. Plenty of folks did impressive things in their later years. I remember hearing one time that we should strive to hit our peak at 65, which gives me almost another 15 years to get my act together. I’ll take it.
As a sidenote, I find that having a personal board of advisors helps – a handful of individuals from various parts of my life who help me work toward my goals that I respect and trust to want what is best for me. In most cases, the relationship is reciprocal, but not always. Routinely running ideas past these folks helps me to process possibilities. This is one of the many reasons I always carry a notebook – I can always count on them for suggestions. At the bare minimum, working on an outline helps- there has to be some planning before anything can happen. Books don’t write themselves and grapes don’t turn into wine overnight. (Oh, but wouldn’t that be nice?)
I know you’ve all heard this before, but it bears repeating – regret the things you do, not the things you don’t do.
Cheers!
Oh my friend, wait till you’re in your 70’s!
Lots of time but the energy level is lower or you’re married to that person who is partially disabled and can’t do the things you dream about but you love them anyway and find other ways to make the most of your time that’s left.
Great article. Find what you love and do it. After traveling out west ( not the west coast) I find that us easterners are too driven. We don’t take enough time to just be.
Well said, Laura! I am definitely in Act III, on the cusp of retiring and trying to figure out what to do next. You’ve given me some things to think about.